Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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