I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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