I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
