We won't sleep together?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
