He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she told me i tasted like america
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
