just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
