Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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