shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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