she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
