Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
someone owes me an orgasm
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
