I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
