Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
