Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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