Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
COCAINE IS GR8
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
