Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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