i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize