ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
