It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
