Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
