i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize