So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
