do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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