There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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