There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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