Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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