If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
