why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
