he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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