i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
