I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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