Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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