I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize