Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
