Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
