I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
