I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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