you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
