i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
