this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
