wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
