The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
