We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
