I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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