Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize