I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ok first of all what the fuck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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