I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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