So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
