So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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