i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
