I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
