didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
