benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
