look no pants
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
