I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
