Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
