The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
