plz talk dirty to me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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