Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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