Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize