I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
