All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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