she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
