Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
