she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
