thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize