The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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